What to tell kids about War
and How to Cope
Save the Children Organization Suggests
Listen carefully. Have a dialogue to help them gain a basic
understanding that is age-appropriate.
Reassurance and psychological first-aid. Assure them about all
that is being done to protect them and their family.
Consider professional help. For children directly affected by a
tragic event, parents should consult their doctor and consider counseling,
not just for the child, but also for the entire family.
Watch for changes. Be alert to any significant changes in
sleeping patterns, eating habits or concentration, or wide emotional
swings or frequent physical complaints without apparent illness.
Expect the unexpected. Not every child experiences events in the
same way. Older teenagers, because of their greater capacity for
understanding, may be harder hit, and while they may be close to
adulthood, they still need extra love, understanding and support.
Turn off the TV. Watching television reports on disasters may
overwhelm young children. They may not understand that the tape of an
event is being replayed, and instead think the disaster is happening over
and over again.
Give more time. Children need your close, personal involvement
to comprehend that they are safe and secure.
Be a model. Your child will learn how to deal with these events
by seeing how you deal with them. Explain your feelings, views and
emotions, but do so calmly. Don't pass on your anger and fears.
Watch your own behavior. Be careful to avoid racial
stereotyping, slurs or expressions of hatred against groups of people.
This is also an opportunity to teach your children that it is wrong to
hate an entire group of people for the acts of a few.
Resume normal activities. Children almost always benefit from
activity, goal orientation and sociability.
Encourage volunteer work. Helping others can give your child a
sense of control, security and empathy.
See http://www.savethechildren.org/
B. Dr. Toy Suggests Ways to Handle War and Stress for Children
- Obtain or provide child with comfort toys-teddy bears, soft dolls,
puppets.
- Listen to them and observe them at play.
- Give them the opportunity to show you how they feel- often easier
with puppets and toys
- Play games that allow everyone to take turns and that are low stress
- Provide toys that allow them to play out their feelings such as
action figures.
- Toys help children deal with their thoughts and help them to cope.
- Spend time playing with your child
- Take time to play out of doors with balls and other low key exercise
- Take walks in nature or in the park to get away from media and
tension
- Read stories that provide them with positive thoughts and
experiences
- Encourage them to listen to tapes and videos and reduce TV watching.
- Encourage time for bike riding, skating and other activities like
jump rope and basketball.
See
www.drtoy.com's Main Page
GUIDELINES FOR HELPING CHILDREN DURING THE WAR [1]
- PROTECT CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY YOUNG CHILDREN, AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
FROM EXPOSURE TO NEWS REPORTS AND FROM HEARING ADULTS TALK ABOUT THE
WAR. The more coverage children see, the more dangerous and violent the
world can seem and the more information they will have to try to figure
out.
- TRUSTED ADULTS HAVE A VITAL ROLE TO PLAY HELPING CHILDREN FEEL SAFE
AND SORT OUT WHAT THEY DO SEE & HEAR. Coverage of the war so
dominates the news that it's rarely possible to protect them fully from
hearing about it. They need trusted adults to help them feel safe and
work out their ideas about what they do hear. How you respond will
influence how children feel about talking about the war and what they
learn about it.
- BASE YOUR RESPONSE ON THE AGE, UNDERSTANDING & CONCERNS OF THE
CHILDREN. While your responses need to take into account the unique
ideas and responses of individual children, their age also influences
how they need you to respond.
- YOUNG CHILDREN WON'T UNDERSTAND THE WAR AS ADULTS DO. They will
often relate what they hear to themselves and worry about their own
safety. They tend to focus on one thing at a time and the most salient
aspects of what they see-e.g., the bombs, explosions, and images of
wounded people. Because they don't have fully logical causal thinking,
it's hard for them to figure out the logic of what happened and why, or
sort out what's pretend and real. They relate what they hear to what
they already know which can lead to misunderstandings. "Planes in the
war drop bombs, maybe the planes over my house will drop bombs too!"
- OLDER CHILDREN BEGIN TO THINK ABOUT UNDERLYING ISSUES ABOUT THE WAR
AND POSSIBLE REAL WORLD IMPLICATIONS. They use more accurate language
and make logical causal connections, but still don't understand all the
meanings or motivations and can develop misunderstandings and fears.
Explore the meanings behind their language ("What did you hear about
Saddam Hussein?). Then base your responses on what they seem to know and
be asking. Do not rush in to provide more information than they are
asking for.
- WHEN CHILDREN ASK QUESTIONS, START BY FINDING OUT WHAT THEY KNOW.
Asking an open-ended question to find out more often works well. That
way you can provide a response that meets individual needs. If a child
asks a question about the war, you might respond by asking, "What have
you heard about that?" If a child doesn't ask, you can raise the war by
asking, "Have you heard anything about a place called Iraq? What did you
hear?" If they say they haven't heard, you can just drop the issue.
- ANSWER QUESTIONS AND CLEAR UP MISCONCEPTIONS THAT WORRY OR CONFUSE.
You don't need to provide the full story. Just tell children what they
seem to want to know. Don't worry about giving "right answers" or if
children have ideas that don't agree with yours. You will often need to
help them distinguish real from pretend (like the Power Rangers)
violence, help them see how they are safe despite the war. You can
calmly and simply voice your feelings and concerns. End the conversation
by letting them you're available to talk about things more later.
- SUPPORT CHILDREN'S EFFORTS TO USE PLAY, ART, AND WRITING TO WORK OUT
AN UNDERSTANDING OF SCARY THINGS THEY SEE AND HEAR. Beyond
conversations, it's normal for children to use play, art and writing in
an ongoing way; to work out ideas and feelings. What they do can show
you what they know and worry about. Open-ended (versus
highly-structured) play materials-blocks, airplanes, emergency vehicles,
miniature people, a doctor's kit, markers and paper-help children with
this. [See below for more information.]
- BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR SIGNS OF STRESS. Changes in behavior such as
increased aggression or withdrawal, difficulty separating or sleeping,
or troubles with transition are signs that additional supports are
needed. Protecting children from violent media images, maintaining
routines, & providing reassurance & extra hugs help children
regain equilibrium. Knowing that caring adults are there to maintain
their world is usually the best antidote to worries the war can create.
- HELP CHILDREN LEARN ALTERNATIVES TO THE HARMFUL LESSONS THEY MAY BE
LEARNING ABOUT VIOLENCE AND PREJUDICE. Talk about non-violent ways to
solve conflicts in their own lives. As they get older and less
egocentric, help them look at different points of view in conflicts.
Help them sort out narrow and dehumanized ideas about real world and
fantasy enemies. Point to positive experiences with people different
from themselves. Try to complicate their thinking about these issues
rather than tell them what to think.
- DISCUSS WHAT ADULTS ARE DOING TO MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER AND WHAT
CHILDREN CAN DO TO HELP. It can help children to feel secure when they
see adults working to help keep the world safe. And while they need to
know that it is the adults who are working to keep them safe, taking
meaningful, age-appropriate action steps themselves can help them feel
more in control.
- TALK WITH OTHER ADULTS. Work together to support each other's
efforts to create a safe environment for children. This includes
agreeing to protect children from unnecessary exposure to violence.
Talking together can also can help you meet your own personal needs in
this difficult time, thereby keeping these kinds of concerns more
separate from your work with children.
HELPING CHILDREN USE PLAY TO SAFELY WORK OUT SCARY EVENTS AND
VIOLENCE
When young children see and hear about the war they can
become confused or frightened, or just interested in figuring out the
meaning of what they saw. They often then try to bring this content into
their PLAY where they can work out ideas and feelings. Here are guidelines
to help you respond effectively when such play occurs.
- Watch children as they play to learn more about what they know, are
struggling to understand, and may be worried about. This will help you
figure out how to respond.
- Remember: it's normal & helpful for children to bring graphic
aspects of what they see & hear about the war into their play.
- If the play gets scary or dangerous, gently intervene and redirect
it. For example, ask children, "How could people help each other?"
- Help them expand and develop their play so it does not just imitate
the violence. Provide toys such as rescue vehicles and medical. Follow
children's leads in what you do. Don't take over the play.
- After the play, talk together about the play. "Who were the bad guys
in your play?" Reassure them about their safety. Answer questions
simply. Clear up confusions. Teach alternatives to harmful lessons
children may be learning.
WEB SITES with Materials to Help Educators & Parents Help Children
Deal with War and Violence:
[1] Adapted from:
Teaching Young Children in
Violent Times: Building a Peaceable Classroom (2nd Edition) by Diane
E. Levin (Cambridge, MA: Educators for Social Responsibility, in press).
Contact: D. Levin at Wheelock College, Boston, MA (617-879-2167; dlevin@wheelock.edu).
